Pray You Through

Have you ever felt so torn on what to do? Ever felt like you lost all the words to say to someone who needs to hear them in troubling times? Ever felt like you could do nothing to help them when they needed it, even if they said you did help? Yeah...it's been one of those nights. Ever been so scared that you were going to lose someone close to you, someone that has always been there for you? I mean, you read about it in the teen dramas and you see it on television, but you never think it will happen to you. But what do you do when the moment rises and completely stuns you. The only thing I can think of is to write that person a letter, so here's my letter. They may read it and take it to heart, or they may just read it and not look at it again. As long as they read it, that's all that matters to me.

Hey you... You're struggling really hard right now and I hate that you are. I wish I knew how to take away the stress and the pain, but I don't. I know you. I look at you and I see the strong person that I have gotten to know over the years. You may think that person is gone, but I see that person there. They're just struggling to pull through the darkness that has now come to consume them. You may feel like you are alone now, but you're not. I will always be here for you in the best ways possible. You are more like family to me and I don't want anything to happen to you. Not only am I here for you, but so is my family. You know this & I hope you use it to help you. I'm sorry that sometimes I don't know what to say to make you feel better or don't know what to do. My mom tells me that I just need to sit there and listen to you. I do, but I feel like I need to do more. Just know that no matter what, you can ALWAYS come to me and I will always listen. If you need more advice, I'll do my best. I just want to help you. You're strong and you can overcome this. I believe in you. Sincerely, Me.

There's this one song that I keep listening to and it's helping me to find the words to say to them when they need words of encouragement. I actually heard it on One Tree Hill, and I fell in love with the power of emotion in the singer's voice. I really got to listening to the lyrics the other night and was like, "This is the song that they need to hear." Just know that no matter what, I'm here for you and when I feel lost as to what to do, I will pray you through.

Thirteen Years Later

A lot of people in high school, college, and just people in general see today as a day to get high since it's 4/20. However, I wonder how many of them actually realize that "420" is police code for marijuana.

Anyway, that's not the point of my blog today. Today is a different day. Today is a day of remembrance. Today marks the anniversary of the Columbine Massacre.

Thirteen years ago today, radios and televisions were broadcasting about a fatal school shooting. The country sat in silence as the story about Columbine High School continued to develop. People questioned why these two young boys would do something like this. People cried. People were mad. People were...overwhelmed.

Personally, I cannot tell you what I felt this day. I was only six at the time. However, I can recall going through a phase where I loved reading the Chicken Soup for the Soul stories and stumbling upon several that kept talking about this school shooting. I was intrigued. "Why would someone do this? What happened? When did this happen? Where did it happen?"

I took it upon myself to look up the information. I found articles from newspapers, I found stories about it that the survivors wrote...but the most disturbing to me was the video footage that I found posted on YouTube. At first, I thought it couldn't be. It was some mock video. I was wrong. There in black and white was the actual surveillance videos from the high school cameras. As I sat there watching those two boys terrorize the students and faculty, I felt my heart and stomach drop. I just sat there, stunned by what I saw. Flashes from the gun shots and bombs going over. Mini fires. I cannot even begin to imagine what was going through the minds of those students trapped and the faculty. I wanted to stop watching the videos, stop reading the articles...but it was like a car wreck...I couldn't look away. As I continued my own research, I cried and prayed for the families.

Sure, it may have been years ago. However, you know those families are still affected by it today. Children's lives were lost that day, along with one of the teachers. On April 20, 1999...fifteen lives were lost. Twelve students and one teacher. Then the boys turned the guns on themselves and committed suicide. May God bless their souls and be with their families on a day like that.



The above picture shows all the victims from the Columbine Massacre.
So today...instead of thinking, "Oh let's get high!" or "How many people are getting high?" Think about the lives that were lost on this day, or the thousands of people who are doing everything in their power to make sure that you are still here today.

Thank you.

Fears vs Dreams

The other day, I was on my Twitter account and I saw something that caught my eye. You see, I follow To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA)and they were asking people to tweet their fears and their dreams. If you don't know much about TWLOHA, they are a non-profit organization that helps people who are struggling in different ways. I've never gotten to that point, but I've known people & after doing my own research, I support and agree with TWLOHA & their campaign, "Love is the Movement".




As I said above, I did what they asked and I tweeted myself:

@xo_livvie_xo: My biggest fear is never amounting up to anything. My biggest dream is to inspire people to follow their hearts. #fearsvsdreams #twloha

However, there was much more I wanted to say, but the fact that I am only given 140 characters to tweet, I figured I'd turn to my blog & ramble a little again, since well...it has been awhile since I've added another entry.

So here they are my...


My fears...as I tweeted, I fear I will never amount to anything. I worry that I may never get the degree that I want or that I'm just wasting money that my family needs. I fear losing people that I love. I fear losing my best friend. I fear not being able to be enough when someone needs my help. I fear that I will never be good enough. I have nightmares about people that I love walking out of my life & never seeing any of them again. Too many times lately, I've woken from a deep slumber breathing heavy as I recall the nightmare of watching my parents leave, my best friend leave...and it scares me. I guess most of all, I fear being alone forever.

My dreams...as I tweeted, I dream to inspire people to follow their hearts. I want people to follow their hearts & achieve their dreams. Some people have already told me that my relationship has inspired them, and I guess that's one step towards my dream. I dream to be successful, but to me being successful does not mean rich. I want to be able to live comfortably with my future husband & our children. I dream to be a nurse and help children feel better when they are sick.

Sometimes we may feel as if our fears outweigh our dreams, but in the truth is...is that's not true. Our dreams outweigh our fears. I mean sure, fears tend to hover in our minds more, but our dreams are always in our hearts. Our hearts are what helps us live. The moment you stop dreaming is the moment you die a little.