Reflections: Finding Inner Beauty/Peace

"Perfection is the disease of a nation, pretty hurts..." Like many girls, I've looked in the mirror and hated my reflection. I looked at the scars, the freckles, everything that some would consider flaws...but I embrace those. My scars tell my story (which is that I'm mostly a klutz). I was told as a child that my freckles were angel kisses. My pale complexion I was told people tried to get as well as my "bug eyes". What I didn't like...was my weight.

People I have known for years look at me and say, "You weigh what? A buck 25?" What they don't know - I struggle with my weight. For as long as I can remember, my weight had always been a topic to me that people would talk about. As a child, I was often told that I needed to eat more meat & "get some meat" on my bones. I ate like an normal child did and at times I would eat that extra hot dog or slice of pizza, yet I still was on the thinner side.

Enter the school years and the comments remained the same. I loved my body the way it was! I didn't have a care in the world & God, what I do for that back. I never struggled with battling with my eating habits or anything like that, so my weight was never really much of a concern. Fast forward a couple of years and for the first time ever in my life, I started to look at my body differently. I started to see markings that weren't there before & I started to hate the way I looked. I tried to change the way I looked at myself, change my diet, etc. - but I never stuck to anything. I would get discouraged so easily and lose all motivation.

I can recall one time I went out shopping with a couple of friends & while I was trying on a dress, I didn't like the way my stomach looked in it. I kept pulling at the fabric around my stomach & a friend stated, "Stop it! You're not fat." Never in my life have I thought I was fat, but I wasn't comfortable with the weight that I had gained since my high school years. You see, I kept up the poor eating choices I made in high school, but did not take into consideration that my activity levels had decreased tremendously. I ended up gaining around 35 lbs post high school & until recently I've found the motivation to work out again.

Yes, I'm one of those "new year - gonna work out" people. However, I refuse to allow myself to quit a few weeks in. No! Instead, I have asked my friends, co-workers, family, and boyfriend to continue to keep me motivated.

The other night, I didn't want to work out at all. My body was sore, I was tired from work, but that didn't stop my boyfriend from helping me off the couch and encouraging me to work out. I refuse to allow people who make comments such as, "You're not fat; you don't need to work out" get to me any longer. For me, working out is more than just losing the extra few pounds I have gained. It is also my way of relieving stress & finding that inner self-confidence again. I refuse to let perfection be the disease of a nation. Sure, pretty hurts, but inner peace and beauty is healthy.